2006 Academy Awards Recap

Oh, the Oscars. One of the many nights of the year when celebrities get all dressed up in dresses that cost more than my car & pat each other on the back. I'm not going to go into detail, because honestly, I wasn't paying close attention to the show. I've only got a few minutes while my daughter is sleeping in the bouncy seat (she's snoring, just like Dad). I'll just make my little comments and be done.

First of all, I'd like to say that I think Jon Stewart did a great job. I mean, it's not brain surgery, is it? What is the job of the Oscar host? Crack a few jokes, that's it really. Yes, there's been better hosts, but all in all, I thought he was funny. The few political jokes he did were in good taste, in my opinion. This lady at the Tribune is completely wack. I made a comment back. See if you can tell which one is mine...

Some talking points you may wish to consider :

* I'm really sick of celebrities changing their names. OK, if you get married, fine. Understandable. But this whole, Ludacris, now, Chris Bridges, thing is a real annoyance. "I'm Puff Daddy, now P.Diddy, then the P is getting in between me & my fans (sic) so call me Diddy, now call me Sean Combs" crap. Maybe we can put some real thought into our name selections fellas, & maybe we won't have to be doing all this renaming business.

* It was nice to see Dolly Parton, she's so cute!

* I thought the dudes from March of the Penguins were just the coolest ever. I loved how they brought their little stuffed animals with them! I couldn't understand much of what they said, but their english was better than the fellas from Three 6 Mafia that won for their Pimp song. That's weird.

* Did you see how the guys from Wallace & Grommit had little bow ties for their Oscar statues? How coordinated! I voted for them, & beat Devin. He voted for that floating hotel cartoon. Ha ha sucker.

* Remember that part where Jennifer Garner almost fell? Yeah, that was cool.

* I was so hoping that Matt Dillon would win! He looked so hopeful and innocent sitting there. Who wouldn't vote for Dallas from "The Outsiders", Cliff from "Singles" & Pat from "Something about Mary"? I have to give him a big "BLECH, PHOOEY, PUKE" for "One Night at McCool's". That movie blew hard. One of the few movies I've ever turned off in disgust. Now I've turned off movies before, but not in disgust!

* Since Matt lost, however, that meant Clooney won. He seems like a cool guy, so charming and dapper. I wonder if you know him in person if it just comes off as arrogance & cockiness. I may never know...

* What's with Joaquin Phoenix? Is he totally hot, or totally scary? I can't decide... I thought he did a great job as Johnny Cash.

* I thought Ben Stiller was funny. I guess I'm just simple minded.

* Why was Jessica Alba there? And Lorenzo Llamas? I'm not understanding this. Am I missing something?

These are just some random thoughts. Let's get right down to the important part. The dresses!!!

 

Fashion Winners...

 

Uma Thurman This pic doesn't do this dress justice. It was so beautiful, & just flowed when she walked.

Salma Hayak How hot is she? Oh yeah, really hot. Jerk.

Alba Still don't understand why she's there, but the dress is cool. Kinda reminds me of my wedding dress, at least the bottom does.

Fashion Losers
(are you surprised there's more in this category? They're still beautiful anyways...)

Theron I'm sure this is really couture and all, but I think it's just overwhelming for her. She really doesn't need all that craziness.

Nicole Wear some color! You're as pasty as a ghost in this girl. She looked so good that year she wore the chartreuse dress. This looks like a wedding dress, but don't you think it looks too short?

Katherine Keener Would it kill you to dress up a bit? Dang, this is the Oscars. I really like her and all, but maybe she could have hired a hairstylist.

Michelle Williams Now that's what I call a yellow dress. Do not adjust your TV sets folks. Yow! I like the bottom, but not with the top. And the necklace & lipstick are a lil rough too.

 

Reese I'm not sure what to say here. She usually does better than this. It makes her look hippy and short. Maybe it would look better knee length? The fabric is cool and her hair looks nice....

Watts The bottom is so pretty & cool. The top just looks ratty & ugly, like it got caught in a fan. Or the cat got at it. Love her hair though

Dolly Oh girl. Not again. I know it's gotta be hard trying to find a dress to harness the girls, but come on. Does everything you wear have to look like a tablecloth? She's somehow still adorable though.

Maggie I just want to shake her and say, "You don't have to wear something ugly to be different!" This just really looks like a sack in the front. Yes the back is cool, but not cool enough to save her. So very disappointed.